I do not remember the first time I met him. Maybe i was 3, or a little younger. I think we were the same age. His hair was silvery, eyes brown, and he wore a stitch right behind his head, running through the entire length of his back. It could not be seen because he was unusually furry.
I liked him because he was always obedient. At home, I listened to ma and he listened to me. Every night we shared endless conversations under the blanket with half our heads popped out (ideally till the tip of the nose). He never complained when I slept off in the middle of a discussion. No matter how important it was. He always shared my blanket. In fact he never had anything that belonged to him. But, he never complained. He wasn't exactly that sort.
It was the winter of 86 (or was it 87) when we realized that Teddy wasn't growing at the same rate as I was. Ma bought pullovers for me but we could not find anything that fitted teddy. He had unusually short hands and feet and the tailor shops would not make a sweater of such size and shape. It wasn't good business. So, ma took matters in her hands and started stitching teddy the most beautiful sweater I have seen. It covered his legs, bum, torso et al and had a woolen strap come crisscross from his back, over his shoulders to be buttoned to the front. We both sat open mouthed beside ma as she sat on the corner of the bed magically weaving two woolen balls (blue and white) into this extraordinary shape that fitted teddy so well.
Teddy was family. All my friends were his too, and so were my relatives. Every conversation I had with them wasn't complete without a polite inquiry about him. Teddy never got bothered by the attention he got. In so many ways he was more matured than i was.
The only thing that bothered him was the asymmetry my friends were causing to his ears. My friends had an annoying habit of holding teddy by his right ear. Every time they did it, he would just furrow his brows and twitch his nose a little bit to express anguish. Why they would not respectfully hold his hand was beyond my comprehension. I brought this matter to ma and she measured his ears to confirm my worst fear. Teddy's right ear had grown significantly more than his left. The next day ma had a word with my friends. Her words always did wonders. They never held him by his ear again. But what was done could not be undone. Every night under the blanket I assured teddy that a small anomaly in ear size was nothing to worry about, but he looked sad even though he never complained. So, every night after papa had kissed us both goodnight and teddy had fallen fast asleep, I would softly pull his left ear to bring it up to size with his right. I cannot say it worked but at least i felt better.
Teddy never went to school. But he was always wiser than me. He never got a scolding from ma for doing the wrong things, writing the wrong spelling, staying out late in the playground, soiling clothes in the mud, or refusing to eat ruti torkari for breakfast. He took bath once a month when ma decided he had become dark enough, unlike me who had to get in the bath tub everyday no matter what.
I also must mention that he was no longer as furry as the first time when we met. Maybe, teddy was evolving or maybe it was a figment of my imagination.
It was one of those evenings in the summer months when we had long power cuts in our campus. Children would take the opportunity to play hide-n-seek. Teddy participated too. On that fateful night when the lights came back, i watches in horror....... one of teddy's eyes were missing. In the dark, inadvertently, one of those brown eyes had fallen off .. and as always teddy had not complained. With tears rolling down my cheek i frantically searched for the missing eye. My friends joined in too. Teddy sat in the corner , quietly observing us with his good eye.
At night, papa came from office and i went to him to break the news . Important updates regarding teddy, kutua, piggy, and hati had to be escalated to him. He listened to what happened and went into deep thought. He caressed teddy's head with his big hands. Ma was present too. She was searching for something in that red box which contained buttons, needles, thread rolls scissors et al. Quietly she made teddy sit on her lap, took out the brown eye with the scissor (the only eye that teddy now had) and stitched two big black coat buttons where teddy's eyes were. In a moment she gave him his eyes as i looked open-mouthed in wonder yet again .
Teddy told me that night how happy he was with his new eyes. I believed him because his eyes twinkled in the dark as he spoke and I saw joy in them.
As time went by, I toddled out of my childhood, tripped through the turbulence of adolescence, and fell into the busy world of manhood. And in that quagmire of a confused mind there remained no room for a teddy bear quietly sitting in the corner of the room, waiting for me to turn to him and resume those night long conversations. Those black eyes always monitored me. In time, they became my conscience. At 19, when I left home, teddy followed me.
No, he still sat there in the corner of that room in my house, but, ever so often he appeared in my thoughts, as if to remind me of myself. Sometimes i feel he is the symbol of innocence left in me. He reminds me ... that no matter what, i must be that same little boy who looked up to the sky and wondered when papa showed him the constellation on a starry night.
Then one day, he went. Yes, he just left. I was sitting in the veranda of our house in Sodepur when I remembered teddy. I sprang from my seat and started searching the house for him. The almira , the cupboards, the divan, the closet, everywhere. Ma joined me in the search, and when she could not find him, I knew i heard the death knell.
I have never believed teddy to be a soft toy and still hope that he is hiding somewhere in the house staring straight into the darkness, waiting for me to open the door and take him in my arms. Even while i write this, I know and teddy knows that the sole purpose of his existence was to preserve the innocence of a child in me. He has ensured that there will be a bell chiming in my subconscious whenever i go the wrong way.
Now that I have told you all about teddy, I must switch off the light, snuggle under the blanket and look into those clairvoyant eyes and resume my conversation.
I liked him because he was always obedient. At home, I listened to ma and he listened to me. Every night we shared endless conversations under the blanket with half our heads popped out (ideally till the tip of the nose). He never complained when I slept off in the middle of a discussion. No matter how important it was. He always shared my blanket. In fact he never had anything that belonged to him. But, he never complained. He wasn't exactly that sort.
It was the winter of 86 (or was it 87) when we realized that Teddy wasn't growing at the same rate as I was. Ma bought pullovers for me but we could not find anything that fitted teddy. He had unusually short hands and feet and the tailor shops would not make a sweater of such size and shape. It wasn't good business. So, ma took matters in her hands and started stitching teddy the most beautiful sweater I have seen. It covered his legs, bum, torso et al and had a woolen strap come crisscross from his back, over his shoulders to be buttoned to the front. We both sat open mouthed beside ma as she sat on the corner of the bed magically weaving two woolen balls (blue and white) into this extraordinary shape that fitted teddy so well.
Teddy was family. All my friends were his too, and so were my relatives. Every conversation I had with them wasn't complete without a polite inquiry about him. Teddy never got bothered by the attention he got. In so many ways he was more matured than i was.
The only thing that bothered him was the asymmetry my friends were causing to his ears. My friends had an annoying habit of holding teddy by his right ear. Every time they did it, he would just furrow his brows and twitch his nose a little bit to express anguish. Why they would not respectfully hold his hand was beyond my comprehension. I brought this matter to ma and she measured his ears to confirm my worst fear. Teddy's right ear had grown significantly more than his left. The next day ma had a word with my friends. Her words always did wonders. They never held him by his ear again. But what was done could not be undone. Every night under the blanket I assured teddy that a small anomaly in ear size was nothing to worry about, but he looked sad even though he never complained. So, every night after papa had kissed us both goodnight and teddy had fallen fast asleep, I would softly pull his left ear to bring it up to size with his right. I cannot say it worked but at least i felt better.
Teddy never went to school. But he was always wiser than me. He never got a scolding from ma for doing the wrong things, writing the wrong spelling, staying out late in the playground, soiling clothes in the mud, or refusing to eat ruti torkari for breakfast. He took bath once a month when ma decided he had become dark enough, unlike me who had to get in the bath tub everyday no matter what.
I also must mention that he was no longer as furry as the first time when we met. Maybe, teddy was evolving or maybe it was a figment of my imagination.
It was one of those evenings in the summer months when we had long power cuts in our campus. Children would take the opportunity to play hide-n-seek. Teddy participated too. On that fateful night when the lights came back, i watches in horror....... one of teddy's eyes were missing. In the dark, inadvertently, one of those brown eyes had fallen off .. and as always teddy had not complained. With tears rolling down my cheek i frantically searched for the missing eye. My friends joined in too. Teddy sat in the corner , quietly observing us with his good eye.
At night, papa came from office and i went to him to break the news . Important updates regarding teddy, kutua, piggy, and hati had to be escalated to him. He listened to what happened and went into deep thought. He caressed teddy's head with his big hands. Ma was present too. She was searching for something in that red box which contained buttons, needles, thread rolls scissors et al. Quietly she made teddy sit on her lap, took out the brown eye with the scissor (the only eye that teddy now had) and stitched two big black coat buttons where teddy's eyes were. In a moment she gave him his eyes as i looked open-mouthed in wonder yet again .
Teddy told me that night how happy he was with his new eyes. I believed him because his eyes twinkled in the dark as he spoke and I saw joy in them.
As time went by, I toddled out of my childhood, tripped through the turbulence of adolescence, and fell into the busy world of manhood. And in that quagmire of a confused mind there remained no room for a teddy bear quietly sitting in the corner of the room, waiting for me to turn to him and resume those night long conversations. Those black eyes always monitored me. In time, they became my conscience. At 19, when I left home, teddy followed me.
No, he still sat there in the corner of that room in my house, but, ever so often he appeared in my thoughts, as if to remind me of myself. Sometimes i feel he is the symbol of innocence left in me. He reminds me ... that no matter what, i must be that same little boy who looked up to the sky and wondered when papa showed him the constellation on a starry night.
Then one day, he went. Yes, he just left. I was sitting in the veranda of our house in Sodepur when I remembered teddy. I sprang from my seat and started searching the house for him. The almira , the cupboards, the divan, the closet, everywhere. Ma joined me in the search, and when she could not find him, I knew i heard the death knell.
I have never believed teddy to be a soft toy and still hope that he is hiding somewhere in the house staring straight into the darkness, waiting for me to open the door and take him in my arms. Even while i write this, I know and teddy knows that the sole purpose of his existence was to preserve the innocence of a child in me. He has ensured that there will be a bell chiming in my subconscious whenever i go the wrong way.
Now that I have told you all about teddy, I must switch off the light, snuggle under the blanket and look into those clairvoyant eyes and resume my conversation.
6 comments:
enchanting! seems like i was living through it while reading...
I still have my teddy :) Guess I am one of the lucky ones :)
:) Another story to store.
Do u read C & H ? If you dont, have a feeling u will like ...again very well written!
As always, your writings are the only pieces I can read start-through-end without boredom.
Innocence is not Ignorance and so it is not a crime(Hope O.W. will not cast a frown),rather it is the most valued quality bestowed on human beings which is now on the verge of extinction and can only be found amongst Kids and so called Aborigins.Further more,occasional virtual journey to the past and to the related memories reinvigorates and helps to move ahead--even though it may strum some odd chords.So Idiot ventures to forward a plea...Fondly cherish your memories of the past(both sweet and sour)and closely guard the innocence...as best as you can.
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