It had been a sweltering summer day in Texas; year 2006. My roommate Rahul and I had toiled up and down Abram Street many times that week. Free rides had been offered to us by kind (and privileged) members of the student community who happened to own a car. But, amateur home-makers as we were there was always some item on the shopping list that we'd miss. Like toilet paper,salt or trash-bags. Hence the toilsome trips on leg ornamented by verbal volleys at each other.
Those were the days of Orkut. People around were discovering old school friends, teachers, heart-aches, joyous memories, embarrassments and other interesting things on that website. And Rahul, being the more enterprising one, had found Guru Ranjan Vedvyas (or vice versa, as would seem to us later). Vedvyas claimed to be a Kannadiga from Chikmagalur (a place in Karnataka), working in the US and had evinced considerable interest in helping two fresh students from India yelping for help on Orkut. So, when Vedvyas walked into our apartment he was treated as a monarch. Rotund as he was, with a drooping moustache and a belt elliptically orbiting his belly he looked like that Hindu maharaja from the TV serial Tipu Sultan who liked court-dance and music and absolutely feared his wife. We saw none of that but the halo around him, and of course the 1998 Toyota Corolla that was parked outside. Vedvyas scanned us, sniffed us (with his piggy-nose) and eventually approved of us. We were OK-ed as not among the smelly, dirty and stereotypically uncouth Indian students who were known to infested this country, like bedbugs! Almost as a reward we were offered a free ride to Walmart for the following weekend. His highness left as we wondered in awe and admiration.
The next Saturday morning, we waited outside our apartment for three hours with a shopping list in our hand. Vedvyas's chariot was running late, but we preferred it over a walk through the Atacama. Late afternoon when he arrived, it wasn't in the Toyota, but a fairly new German car (I do not recall if it was a Mercedes or an Audi). And he wasn't driving it. In the driver's seat was a smart dude who claimed to have graduated from Georgia Tech and was constantly holding himself at an imaginary elevated pedestal above the rest . Beside him sate a pretty and smart-looking woman who spoke less, only smiled and nodded at whatever the levitating soul beside her had to say. In the rear seat was a little man who looked like Peter Lorre (The man who murdered the couriers in Casablanca) and smiled and spoke alike. And then off-course there was Mr Vedvyas is his resplendent self. All men were clad in formals and dark-coloured blazers and the lady wore a black business suit. The two of us looked like clowns among nobility in a medieval fair. Vedvyas ushered us between himself and Lorre, while the smart couple kept perusing us through the rear-view mirror. One-sided pleasantries were exchanged with " Wassup dudes!"and "Howdy mates!" being hurled at us. Our mouths opened to retort but only managed to croak like a strangled frog. The lady's snigger did not help either.
The road to Walmart seemed inordinately long. Meanwhile, we were grilled Al Capone-style about our likes, aspirations, and goals in life. It is never a good sign when strangers start asking you these questions. But we did not know that then. Suddenly, we were in a mobile interview environment trying to put up a brave front. I heard Rahul talking about his dream of becoming a circuit-design engineer. Words like "VLSI" and "RFCD" were coming out of his mouth. Before I knew, I was telling them how much I like Computer Networking and what courses I have enrolled for that semester. Mr.Lorre and Vedvyas listened patiently like fishermen watching the float bobble. The couple were more relaxed but kept a watch on us nonetheless. Then I think Mr. Lorre overdid it a little and asked us if we wanted to buy cars and houses of our own in the US. Rahul said he wanted a Lamborghini and I wished a villa in the Bermudas. They got the message and kept mum for the remainder of the ride. We were dropped off at Walmart and promised to be picked up in an hour. For a full hour we surmised (while we shopped) whether to get in Cinderella's pumpkin again. Public transport was intermittent (more so on weekends) in Arlington; and therefore we decide to wait for the group.
On our way back, Vedvyas informed us that we'd take a slight detour to some "conference". We agreed, for lack of choice. And then he started soliciting. He spoke of schemes where we needed to get five like-minded folks who could then get five others and eventually form a meaningless geometrically progressed human network. This he said would prove very lucrative to PIGS like us (Poor Indian Graduate Students as we are so often called!) who barely made ends meet with a 20-hour on campus job. We laughed it away at first. Seeing that the ploy wasn't working Vedvyas cited himself and Lorre as successful progenies of the scheme. Rahul blurted out, "Why do you drive a '98 Corolla then?". Vedvyas looked hurt, but only for an instant. Then he was back to selling. Efforts to coax us to the "conference" was failing. The closer we drew towards it, the more desperate our companions in the car became. We realized that the smart couple in the front seats had trapped Lorre and Vedvyas in the same net in which the unfortunate two now wanted to drag us. They had made their homework well and targeted two students in need of a car among other things (Orkut had been their net, literally). Now, we had called their bluff and they wriggled and pleaded like Voldemort's minions.
On arrival, we could see that the arrangement made for the conference, was massive. Like adamant school-girls we got out of the car but refused to go anywhere. So, there we stood in the parking lot as the oddest combination of four humans (bound by the desire to make easy-money) trudged towards their conference. The parking lot was filled with expensive cars; and out of them came expensive men and their expensive ladies all walking in unison, towards the temple where money could be minted by adding five more "heads" to the stream. Ironically, the only two creatures really in need of money in that place at the time were the two who decided to stay away from the orgy. The conference took three hours. There must have been an awful collection of dumb people being taught simple math by a handful of smart one (the only ones who I presume would eventually gain from this exercise). Nonetheless, we were driven back in silence to the University at midnight. We walked back to our room. Tired as we were, we sat on the balcony floor with bottles of beer and spent the rest of the night laughing at our unfortunate selves.
Note: I have changed our solicitor's name but have kept it very similar (and rhyming with the original one) so that if he ever comes across this post, even he may have a hearty laugh. I hope he has made a pot full of green currency, lives in a villa in the Bermudas and drives a Lamborghini.
No comments:
Post a Comment